Monday, March 31, 2014


I fell off the radar for a bit.  Recovering from the lack of thyroid medicine was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be to be perfectly honest with you.  It didn't just effect my energy level but my emotional state was messed with big time.  The human body never ceases to amaze me, it's such a fined tuned operation that with one component missing it sure puts the rest in pure havoc. 

There was a haze that took forever to clear, unable to think straight, slow at processing things going on around me, exhaustion and just physical pain.  Depression grabbed hold pretty quick and has been difficult to keep fully at bay. I can go on and on about the how depression changes your life and everyday living, but I refrain.  I never thought as the forever optimist and seemingly happy go lucky girl that it would be something I would have to deal with.  Chronic pain has been a long term issue for me and to slide backwards in the pain department is what was so hard for me to deal with emotionally.  Chronic pain takes such a huge toll on people myself included.   I choose to treat it naturally instead with narcotics and this why my journey is so important to me.  I want to be functional and not drugged out.  I use a number of doTerra oils and supplements to help me balance my systems and I'm grateful for having those.  Exercise at first increases some of the joint pain, but relief does come.  Stretching and some beginning yoga has really helped with some movement issues and I have missed that very much. 

I am back in balance and heading forward again.   I am happy to say that my eating choices not always right on track have even through all of this stayed pretty good.  I did consume some Mrs B cookies...those are just to good!!  Exercise was a no go during all of this and I am honestly looking forward to getting back on the treadmill and working through that stiffness again. 

A journey is never really a straight line rather a series of curves, bumps and hills.  Hang on this curvy girl is moving forward again.

Remember to look in the mirror today and tell yourself something positive about yourself....just go do it.

Friday, March 14, 2014


Well I have been on this huge roller coaster the past two weeks.  Huge emotional depths that I just didn't understand.  I was no longer sleeping through the night or getting to sleep more than two hours at a time.  Which is awful with lack of sleep brings on a whole slew of symptoms.  No sleep leads to worsened depression, lack of eating schedule and mixed messages from my brain whether I'm sleepy or hungry.  Fatigue and lack of just wanting to move or even leave my house.  I was kind of in freak out mode really.  I haven't been in this spot for over a year now and was distraught that I was falling back and not moving forward.  I was debating calling my doctor and getting back on anti depressants.

Four days ago while waking up totally fatigued and going through my morning routine of making coffee setting out my vitamins and putting my oils on I reached to grab my thyroid medicine.  It was not there and a huge light bulb went off.   I haven't taken my medicine in about three weeks...ugh.  No wonder!!!  It was knocked down and behind the coffee pot, out of sight out of mind.  I almost sat down and cried...a reason for the back slide and the fatigue.  I have a light shinning into the tunnel...yay!

If any of the above symptoms even sound remotely like something you feel, I would get your thyroid checked.  I didn't realize how much it could effect my mental and emotional health, but if you stop to think about how big of a roll your thyroid plays in your bodies function it totally makes sense.  I'm feeling more positive knowing that all will be balanced once again.  I am also making sure that I use the right oils to aid in the support of my thyroid so that if I ever (not if I can help it) do that again my crash will not be as hard.

No workouts in, but did do moderate stretching to keep my back and hips loose.  My positives in the mirror now that I think about are quite humorous.  I wouldn't give myself much...that's bad.  One of my positives was that my eyebrows were still full and not all the way gray yet...eeeek, hey but it was a positive.  I didn't really binge eat either, I don't keep a lot of binge options that are horrific in my house anymore.  However Jacksons and Granny B's cookies are less than a mile away and I did make those runs a few times..I hate confessing that.  I only would buy one though instead of three!  I didn't gain any weight, but I didn't lose either.

The battle of this curvy girl shall continue on!  Always discovering new things about myself and my food addiction good and bad I shall share with you.  

Remember to look in the mirror and say something positive about yourself to yourself, no matter how little you think it is.  Say will make a difference.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Emotional Bumps

They days where you look outside and the sky is grey the ground is wet, a slight chill in the air.  I hear alot of people say spring is coming and are all excited.  I just cant get past the grey...

It has been a tough week.  I have not hit the gym, I haven't been binge eating, but I haven't really been cooking the best options either.  This week I have dealt with a pretty deep personal relationship in my life that has never really been the most healthy of relationships.  I choose not to engage or defend a family members behavior.  This has been very hard for me.  I don't like upsetting anyone, I would rather make you feel good about something than be the harsh one.  I have watched as the destructive behavior would effect everyone around, but worse yet the damage control that would try and be done once being "caught" in the destructive behavior.  I have always said I understand, or it will be ok during the damage control stage, however this time I couldn't even justify it in my own brain.  I took a stand and choose not to engage in the damage control and called the situation out for what it was.  I'm proud of myself because I no longer will allow this in our relationship, I am also scared to death because the typical reaction of fine, goodbye and I will miss you.  I'm angered to think that this is what is thought that I never want to see them again.  I am scared because of the reaction and past history.  It really has put me in that grey area.  I know I need to let go and give it to God.  I am praying for healing for both of us.

I haven't moved forward in making my habit of going to the gym or in the eating right.  That also contributes to the blah...however I am recognizing triggers and acknowledging those triggers and not reacting with my typical behavior.  I need to give myself credit for that because I know that is a major stepping stone in dealing with my behaviors with food.  The types of food that are in my house is changing and better options are happening.  I know I'm not crushing forward and giving everyone amazing amounts of advice on how to succeed.  The truth is writing this blog and journaling has been huge for me.  It allows me to process where I'm weak and where I'm strong and that is actually empowering.

Emotional journeys always seem to be the hardest.  I am grateful for everyone in my life and all the lessons that come with relationships.  I'm not sure how my husband puts up with this curvy girl and my bumpy ride. I love that he just smiles shakes his head, pulls me in for a hug and tells me he loves me. 

Remember to look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive about yourself today...please just do it.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Pushing through the pain.

Once upon a time about eight years ago I loved going to the gym.  I would wake up and head to the gym about six am every morning.  The funny thing is that I stopped at the local gas station to get my morning coffee mix (full of sugar) and a pack of cigarettes.  I would drive drink my coffee and get about three cigarettes in before I got to the gym where I would put 3.5 miles on a treadmill or elliptical and lifted four days a week.  I didn't fight back pain, I didn't fight the awful pain and ache in my tail bone or my knees.  To this day I cannot tell you why I stopped.  I did stop smoking and have eased up on the coffee.  I can tell you getting started again has been very difficult, even more difficult staying with it.

I cannot sit to long or my tailbone gets sore, usually a change in position helps.  If I have sat to long the pain and ache is there all day and it moves down into my knees.  If I have been on my feet to long the same scenario happens.  I cannot even explain to you what happens when I lay down with it.  The ache becomes intolerable in both my tailbone and knees.  It wakes me up, I cry or whimper around until the pain shifts.   I take over the counter pain meds and use pain relieving rubs on my knees to dull the pain.  This has been a daily part of my life and I had learned to accept it.  The pain stopped me from doing things that I enjoyed, simple tasks of window shopping, sewing or sitting through a movie.  Pain is a huge trigger for depression for me, which can increase pain.  I don't tell people or complain about the pain, no one needs to know.  Through the years I have let people assume I'm lazy or anti social, unmotivated or all of the other assumptions that come with not being able to physically do something.  I would even go to the other extreme and push my body beyond it's limits and be in such agonizing pain that prescription meds would have to be used to ease the pain, just so no one would know the amount of pain I was in.  Some how I viewed being in this much pain at my age as being weak.  I have been told I am weak if I could not handle daily pain. 

About a year ago I made some serious changes about the types of food that went into my mouth (trust me I still have a long way to go).  I also began taking supplements for anti inflammatory.  Natural ones, using essential oils to help heal my body.  When ever possible I avoid over the counter meds and prescriptions and use the natural stuff first.  My kids call me a "hippie", funny how the meaning of that has changed a bit.  I have educated myself on how many conditions of the body are due to inflammation.  Including the awful pain that takes place within me. 

The irony of all of this is thru supplements and diet I have been controlling the pain, until I started working out again.  The movement, impact or no impact has aggravated my sore spots again and I am in constant pain.  I am really struggling with continuing to work out because of the pain at the end of the day.  I know the lack of movement has stiffened things up and getting them moving again will be painful and was warned about it being painful.  I just didn't expect to be back in constant pain.  I know this will pass and those muscles and tendons and ligaments that have stayed tight to protect over inflamed areas are learning to work the right way again and the "stiff" bones will eventually not fight me on the movement.   I am so determined not to end up back in the dark places of my mind because of pain and the depression that it can bring on.  Ironic because exercise is supposed to produce feel good endorphins.

I still continue to watch what I eat, but this last week has been about just getting to the gym and working out, not just moving to shift the pain.  I love that my eyes have been opened about my triggers and that I can learn to manage and beat those triggers.  I pray for the strength to get through this awful physical pain so that I will not endure constant pain in the future with my healthy body, mind and spirit.

Remember to look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive about yourself EVERY day.