They days where you look outside and the sky is grey the ground is wet, a slight chill in the air. I hear alot of people say spring is coming and are all excited. I just cant get past the grey...
It has been a tough week. I have not hit the gym, I haven't been binge eating, but I haven't really been cooking the best options either. This week I have dealt with a pretty deep personal relationship in my life that has never really been the most healthy of relationships. I choose not to engage or defend a family members behavior. This has been very hard for me. I don't like upsetting anyone, I would rather make you feel good about something than be the harsh one. I have watched as the destructive behavior would effect everyone around, but worse yet the damage control that would try and be done once being "caught" in the destructive behavior. I have always said I understand, or it will be ok during the damage control stage, however this time I couldn't even justify it in my own brain. I took a stand and choose not to engage in the damage control and called the situation out for what it was. I'm proud of myself because I no longer will allow this in our relationship, I am also scared to death because the typical reaction of fine, goodbye and I will miss you. I'm angered to think that this is what is thought that I never want to see them again. I am scared because of the reaction and past history. It really has put me in that grey area. I know I need to let go and give it to God. I am praying for healing for both of us.
I haven't moved forward in making my habit of going to the gym or in the eating right. That also contributes to the blah...however I am recognizing triggers and acknowledging those triggers and not reacting with my typical behavior. I need to give myself credit for that because I know that is a major stepping stone in dealing with my behaviors with food. The types of food that are in my house is changing and better options are happening. I know I'm not crushing forward and giving everyone amazing amounts of advice on how to succeed. The truth is writing this blog and journaling has been huge for me. It allows me to process where I'm weak and where I'm strong and that is actually empowering.
Emotional journeys always seem to be the hardest. I am grateful for everyone in my life and all the lessons that come with relationships. I'm not sure how my husband puts up with this curvy girl and my bumpy ride. I love that he just smiles shakes his head, pulls me in for a hug and tells me he loves me.
Remember to look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive about yourself today...please just do it.