Fear of success.

Fear

1.

an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

I fear success and I fear failure. If I look at this according to the definition I'm being just silly.  Success does not fit into this definition.  Why do I fear success so much, not only in my getting healthy journey but in my business as well.  I fear failure, because failures lead to success really.   Mind blown...My fear of success seems even sillier now.   

What is success for me, that seems to be the question I'm asking myself alot lately.  I have solely based my success on my husband and my children over the last 25 years.  My kids are adults and alive( i was sure i was going to take one out)...huge success.   My husband still winks at me across the room and takes me for everything that I am...huge success.  So why would I fear success so much, good things come from being successful.  

I picture my healthy successful self in a really cute pair of running shorts jogging the green belt with my pups running beside me.  That is a great successful vision, my legs still seem to appear longer than they really are.  What is there to fear about this healthy version of me...nothing!  Logically I see the big picture and the choices I have to make.  Emotionally is a whole other story. 

I have relied on eating to fix, help and process every single one of my emotions my entire life and letting go of that is scary as all get out.  Taking responsibility for what goes into my mouth instead of making excuses for what goes into my mouth makes me cry.  I seem to be viewing it as shutting down myself and everything that I am.  If only my metabolism understood emotional processing.   I have dealt with many childhood traumas and they do not and have not defined me as a person, they have made me a better and stronger person, however I used food to get me through everything including successes.   Wipe the tears away and take a deep breath.   I pray daily for the guidance and wisdom and grace to make all the changes that I need to make. 

Remember to look in the mirror and say something positive about yourself  today.  Just go do it.