Working through it.

The last week has been quite the emotional and mental journey for me.  I was so excited to start working out with such intensity for sure fire definite results.  I loved that I broke through some fears and went to workout no matter what and was determined to go back on Thursday.  Well my body had other plans.  My right quad apparently takes the brunt of any squats lunges or general leg workouts...I managed to strain the muscles in my right quad.  Yeppers when I do it I do it big.  I literally could not walk, forget getting up and down from a sitting position.  It was quite the entertaining site for sure.  I looked a little bit like Lurch dragging my right leg along for the ride.

Wednesday was all good, lots of pain but a positive outlook for the next days workout.  I could do this, I could stretch and warm up work though the tears.  Thursday rolled around with no improvement, no work out, cant drive so how am I supposed to workout.   Thursday was not a good day.  It was a day that my mind, body and soul hurt.  I got into my own head...self -sabotage.  (Reading a really good book about this.)  I have become that person that is so fat that working out injures themselves. Wondering if I should just give up.  I felt like a failure a quitter for not following through.  What good is getting healthy if all it does it cause injury and pain.  Why bother with it, live the life that I have been dealt and move on.  Thursday was a day spent going to dark places that I try to avoid because a not very nice person lives there.  She is mean and overly critical.   The reality of my injury, I am out of shape and I pushed myself very hard during Tuesdays workout.  Nothing to be so critical of really. 

My victory for Thursday I did not binge eat!!!  Huge, huge and triple huge! 

Learning to love and encourage ones self is not an easy journey.  Admitting faults, reactions and feelings out loud or on paper makes you really take a peek at just how awful we can treat ourselves.  I am really mean to myself sometimes, almost a bully.  I have caught myself a few times this weekend and have corrected the thoughts I was having.  My daughter has been a big help in stopping me when I start out with a negative about myself.  (I am sad knowing I taught her this same behavior).  I think I will journal my feelings to help me process through them and they way that I choose to react to them.  I think putting them on paper will be a positive thing just like sharing this blog.

I am down a half pound this week, I will take that.  Tomorrow I will either be swimming or on a bike at the gym, I have to be careful not to go into I need to heal more mode.  I will not give up!!  I am making better food choices and working on portion control, big one for me.

Remember to look in the mirror and tell yourself something positive about yourself today.

The book I am reading: “Best Friend Worst Enemy – Overcoming Self-Sabotage in YOUR Life!’ Jane Freund.  The book is available on Amazon, plus she has some local workshops available as well.