Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Numbers Day

I'm back.  I managed to be on the receiving end of someone sharing their cold/flu with me. I was hit pretty hard by it and even missed a Superbowl party.  That in it's self was probably not a bad thing, somehow Superbowl food rates right up there with Thanksgiving overindulgence.

I signed up for a 21 day fitness at FIT, LLC that started today.  Talk about having a great excuse not to go!  Still having the head pressure and a bit of a sore throat I would have be justified staying home.  I really proud of myself though....I went.  Scary, specially not knowing who I had in my workout group.  Before my workout I had to do the dreaded weigh in and body fat percentage.  OUCH!!    I told you I would be honest about all of this.  I weighed in at 224 the kicker 105 of that is fat.  I am at 48% body fat. (I carry it well though)  Almost half of my body is fat...Yes, I'm still letting this sink in.  I can handle this, this is why I am at gym and on my journey.

What I wasn't ready to handle was the feeling I had while working out.  I was less stressed about the two beautiful women I was working out with, than the reality of how out of tune my body is.  It was hard not to cry as I'm doing lunge thingies with weights.  Yes pain, but mostly how did I let myself get here.  The very humbling feeling of doing high knee steps and my own stomach hitting my thighs and  getting in the way.  The worst part being so out of shape that I couldn't even finish the work out.  I was done, wiped out, light headed and dizzy.  I was mortified.  I was always the one even out of shape that would push through, sweat it out and finish it.  I observed the rest of our workout, sweating from my efforts.  I let my head clear so I could drive and left in tears and angry at myself. (Grateful the car was not a stick shift )  Not for not finishing but for telling myself for so long that I was OK.  I am not OK!!  Almost half of my body is fat and I cannot do more than a 20 minute workout without major body pain and being nauseous, that is not okay!!!

Seeing my numbers and the 72 pounds that I need to lose to get me down to a 22% body fat really opened my eyes, but what caught my attention the inability to complete a workout.  To face the lie I have been telling myself that my size never stops me from doing what I want..HUGE lie!

I did more today than I did yesterday or the week before.  Reality check hit, loving doTerra right now for Deep Blue oil for my poor legs and arms.  Loving myself for winning my battle of go don't go today! Mental and emotional battles won today!  I will return to FIT, LLC on Thursday and push through more than 20 minutes of our planned workout!  

One small step at time.  Thanking God for the strength and humility to start my journey for a better me.

Remember to tell yourself something positive about yourself today.

1 comment:

  1. So amazed and proud of your journey! Thank you for your transparency and true grit! May I share this on my wall?