Not a great day.

Today was an awful day in alot of ways.  I was so excited and so proud of myself for reaching out for help only to sabotage myself once again.  I had a night of mouth pain and a pounding head (pain killers taken), so I canceled my meeting with trainer, late I should add.   Really no excuse, it was a meeting not a workout.
I totally wasted this guys time and I felt horrible about it.  How selfish of me, and I found myself really beating my self up and some personal realizations of just how selfish I can be.   I did call him later in the day and apologize for wasting his time and told him I realize his time is valuable and I do appreciate that.  He told me would send me a time when he was available again...I have not heard from him and totally get it.  This guy is really good at what he does and doesn't need to chase after someone who appears to be not serious.  I will call him again as hard as that is going to be.

Today was a glimpse into a side of  me I really did not want to see.  It's hard to realize that your excuses affect other peoples lives and not always in a positive way.  I know I have let people down, shorthanded and alone all because I couldn't see past my own depression.  I am truly sorry to anyone I have effected because of this and humbly ask for your forgiveness.


I saved this and did not post this yesterday...I did not want to post something out of pure emotion, I will admit I cleaned this up a bit today before publishing.  This is a super hard one for me to let everyone see.

I did tell myself something positive about myself yesterday, as hard as it was.